THAT MOMENT

Think about the moments in your life that impacted you:

1. •Realizing you were in love.
   

2. •Bringing your child home from the hospital for the first time.
   

3. •Learning of the death of a parent or a grandparent.
   

4. •Getting that great job.
   

5. •Finally knowing that a relationship was over.
   

6. •Recognizing and understanding that it was now time to overcome an addictive behavior.
   

7. •Knowing that your life is what you make of it.
   

Whether your moment was an indescribable achievement or a devastating loss, we can learn, we can grow, we can heal. Both, yes both-- have merits.

In those times that I have achieved something wonderful or have attained a moment of divine clarity, I tell myself over and over, “Jeff--remember this feeling, remember this moment, remember this gift.” Thankfully, sometimes I do and sometimes I “forget.” But do I really forget, or do I just become lazy and revert to faulty thinking or behaviors? I think you know the answer. Yes, we are creatures of habit, and in our sometimes jumbled minds full of to-do lists, economic woes, friend and family conflicts, career challenges, it is so often possible to lose “our moment”. That is a shame.

Think about it. If we were diligent enough, strong enough and brave enough, that moment would have such a dramatic impact on the other noises in our head. Granted, it may not fix or cure the conflicts, but it would allow us to become less of a hostage to them. And by getting closer to our moment, our truth, we would be less apt to turn this annoying noise into something cataclysmic. We like to do that at times--gives us a weird kind of rush, I suppose.

Conversely, in those times of pain and unhappy realizations, I have probably done some

of my best growth. Whether through a death, a realization that a certain relationship

was proving toxic, or just feeling that I was in some dark abyss--I had to do the following:

1. •This is a temporary pain
   

2. •I am not alone--I do have people that I can reach out to
   

3. •I am still alive
   

4. •I still have my future to hold onto
   

There are 2 significant events I can relate: the first, in early 2001 and the latter in early 2006. My maternal grandmother, for all intents and purposes, was my best friend for as long as I can remember. She helped me through some pretty tough times, including my parentsʼ divorce. When she died on March 12, 2001, it was not a shock, but the belly punch that I felt was as painful as if it had come out of the blue. I remember breaking down as I had never done before, and cried for quite a while. But after a bit, I stopped and a calm spread throughout my body and I remembered all the good she had brought me, all the good that we had together and all the good that I would continue to feel because she had been such a critical piece of me--this very complicated puzzle. While this was a loss, I also learned that I had gained so much.

In 2006, I had come to the realization that a business organization that I had helped develop was no longer serving me. I was feeling beaten, defeated, unmotivated, misunderstood. I did not know what to do. I talked about this to some people, but still received no clarity. I mulled, pondered, prayed--all to no avail. I finally went to a counselor and I when I began to discuss what was going on with my company, she cut me off and said, “Youʼve got to get out of there. This is toxic.” You mean, I can leave? I thought to myself. Immediately, a wave of relief and peace rushed through me--I did

have a choice after all!

Both examples exhibit, by means of figuring out stuff on our own or with a professional, that there are choices to be made in the best and worst of times (who said that?). I could have held onto the death of my grandmother as this loss that I could never let go; I could have stayed with my company and suffered silently as it battered down my image of myself. But thankfully, I did neither.

Those moments--I look at all of them and I marvel.