THE MYSTERIOUS LAND OF ALMOST

I find myself in this place.

I have almost completely quit drinking.

I have almost lost my stomach.

I almost want to take some more acting classes again.

I almost want to buy a guitar and take lessons.

I have almost regained my urge to begin writing my book again.

I have almost created the practice I want.

Almost.

Almost.

The mysterious, magical land of almost. There was a time, when I could not even think of almost. There was a time when the world was colored in such a way that the task(s) at hand was either possible or impossible. I was either competent or not. The world was inviting or hostile. There was no middle ground. And when we (or I) see that there is no middle ground, then it is difficult to imagine the possibility. And the possibility is that we (I) can achieve what we desire.

So how did I take myself from the land of the lost to the land of the almost?

1. 
   
   • Well, I had to hit bottom several times. I made many stupid mistakes career-wise, health-wise and personally (I donʼt recommend this--but I obviously had someone or something watching over me). So I learned from my repeated mistakes.
   

1. 
   
   • I began to detect the people around me who were positive forces and those who were not. Those who brought good energy into my life and those who did not. Those who contributed to my well-being and those who had their own agenda.
   

1. 
   
   • I took a serious look at some unhealthy behaviors that I had acquired. Specifically, the vodka martini that had somehow become a “family tradition” since I was in college, and was there in good times and bad. And as the cast of characters changed, VM was still there--loyal to a fault. So at the beginning of this year, I made the decision to change our relationship. We now see each other about 2 times a month, but like with any relationship, there are memories associated with it, and many of them are not that great, so I am saying goodbye. And, actually, it feels pretty good. And I feel great.
   

1. 
   
   • When I am not working, I will throw myself into “happy.” I do not want to watch the news ( I will read the Huffington Post and the New York Times during the day) at night, I do not want to hear why there is more evidence that Obama is not a citizen--I want funny--any BBC comedy series, any old movie from the 40s or 50s. Or I will curl up with a Bombeck book. If Bombeck does not do it for me at the moment, then I will pick up something a bit more inspiring, spiritual, uplifting. Just as long as itʼs hopeful.
   

1. 
   
   • Physical exercise has been a huge lift for me. Pilates at home--by myself--no fear of doing it “wrong” or being judged--just me, the mat, and the dvd. Easy. And the gym at least 5 days a week. That has cleared my head and opened me up in ways that I never thought possible. And if you can afford a trainer, all the better. Given the economy, I am sure there are trainers out there who would be willing to make deals to attract new clients.
   

1. 
   
   • And, yes, therapy. Having an outlet is key. Having someone who can help you identify patterns of behavior, whether known or not. Having someone who can cheer you on, help get you out of that “stuck” place.
   

You know, getting to the goal is great--but please do not underestimate almost. I look at my Almost List and smile--Iʼm getting there--you can, too.